“Sixteen artists are battling it out to determine who’s
number oneUHHHHHHHHHHHGGGH!!" That shit is funny. Didn’t they have a girl squealing in the
opening of season 2 also?
I DON’T EVER LEAVE MY HOUSE WITHOUT EIGHT MACHINES MINIMUM! – Banjo Kazooey
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"You don't start a whoopie party without at least 5 whoopie machines!" |
So last episode glasses bro went home for his chimp hit, leaving 14
losers and Tatu Baby, the person everyone on the judging panel wants to bone, including Auntie Navarro.
Emo bro is freaking out still…he’s a mess. I can’t wait to
see him cry some more.
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Remember kids---head trauma is serious business. |
CARS! Oh joy. So this is the flash challenge: precision!
(overused metal scrape noise sound effect) And we’ve got a football player to judge us on precision.
Because football = precision. Somehow. This dude is completely unintelligible.
And he’s got a customized grill on his face. And the challenge is to create a customized
grill. Are you following? Nobody wants to be with Emo Boy. Ironed
hair got Emo Boy (Mystical Mike is his name…god
help us) on his team.
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Makes me wish I had a v8. |
Tatu Baby said, “I am the
wicker link on this team.”
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The only one to wrap around the headlamps... and suffers for it. |
Emo boy is completely, certifiably insane. Didn’t take much
to figure that out though, so I’m not feeling special for making that assertion
or anything.
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And the winner is... |
Johnny Danger, sharp dressed man and chill lesbo bro won the flash challenge, upsetting a room full of people who think they’re amazing. Lesbo bro is still Daniel's favorite of the bunch.
Oh…so…James Danger? Very timely name in light of the whole Carlos Danger scandal. Will this work for him…or against him…or will basically nobody give a fuck? Probably the last option. He’s sexy though so at least he’s got that going for him.
This guest judge seems like he might actually not be firing on all cylinders.
“It would be shiney.” “I like the flames.” “I like the skull head.” Oh
well…he’s making millions more a year than I am, so I can probably laugh all
day long as far as he cares.
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Meh. |
Short-beard bro is insufferable…and this is only episode
two. His lack of self-esteem is so apparent and I have to wonder why, with reality shows having been on for fucking ever, people still think that they get respect by immediately trying to fight with everybody on the show. Does that EVER work out? If any of you know a contestant on any show that this tactic has worked out for in the history of television please contact us and let us know.
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This one is the classiest, IMO---Dave |
The shell-shocked judge is back for the elimination challenge,
which I guess is OK because he’s actually kind-of hot. The drama is starting to
ramp up…have the feeling there’s going to be a lot of squealing, pointing and
crying this season. So the challenge? An “anatomical” tattoo. Everyone seems
bummed. They gave the pit tattoo, an arm pit that nobody wanted to be involved
with for various reasons, some obvious and some not so obvious, to short-beard bro and he seems upset. Yay. Please go home.
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"And now a word from our sponsor, the Dark Lord..." |
Human canvas heat index this episode: 3.5 Not too hot.
Bummer. Although, Daniel would totally tap that big old dude with the biker
‘stache. Dave would definitely tap one of those smaller bros…maybe the heat
index is like a 4.25.
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Dave would like a wife-beater with a side of red-beard. |
Whoa…just saw big older dudes fingers…and never mind. Not
tappin’ that.
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D'ems some trucked knuckles. |
And what a fucking surprise…armpit girl is like,
“OWOWOWOWWWOW!” No shit dummy. Every artist winced when you said you wanted
your armpit done.
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"ah cahnt take it, AH CAHNT!" |
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"The Dark Lord has revoked your license to mystic, henceforth you are merely abstruse." |
Emo bro! Take notice. You're so goddamn stupid and annoying that cable stations stop caring about ratings in order to get rid of you. That's unreal. Room's full of suits agree that you ruin everything you touch. Get a life.
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that's 2 for 2 crying at the critique for miss cry-cry. |
Still...bald chick is a horrifying mess and already it's quite easy to see that she is already long in the tooth for this show. She'll be leaving soon. Or not...but Daniel hopes so. Tired of looking at her face.
Yay, Nay, or GAY. Rating the best and worst. ---Dave
Yay: Daniel was so excited to see Ignacio the Illusionist leave that he forgot to mention the winner, this tri-tip by Craig. Nice one.
Yay: "screaming vagina"...'nuff said.
Yay: I don't care what the judges say, I really like this one. Sure it's not realistic, but if it was a spumco anatomy book, well then...
Nay: If you block the mid-portion with your finger this does look real. A shame.
Nay: The background really does fuck with this otherwise beautiful piece.
Nay: Persis Khambatta's punky brewster is not long for this competition.
GAY: Dumb, dumb, dumb dumb. Also, Mike sucks.
GAY: Actually a fairly nice one by Kyle. Filed under GAY because I still want to hit it.
Next Week: Carlos Danger loses the candidacy over ANOTHER sexting scandal!
for someone who doesnt seem to enjoy the show you certainly spend a lot of time blogging about it.
ReplyDeleteblogging is fun! you should try it.
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