Some Girls - Season 3 Episode 3

Something for the bros.

Human canvas heat index: 0.3 - Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So idiot boy is gone. Thank fucking God. What an ass.

Alright, enough about that…except to note the fact that everyone was squealing and giggling when he was kicked off, which was pretty funny. There’s hated and then there’s loathed. He was in some special place worse than either of those things.

Babes!

FLASH CHALLENGE!

Garter belts on girls. Yuck! Since neither of the bros who blog this here blog like chicks, the whole, “Bring out the hos in lingerie” thing did nothing for us. Literally nothing. OK that’s not altogether true…a couple of these girls looked pretty manly so Daniel said he’d hit it from the back…in the dark…through a gloryhole…with a face full of smelling salts…after a hard day at the office…

So the artists had 4 hours to tattoo a garter belt AROUND the leg of their client. Yawn. The big twist for this flash challenge? One of the artists is going home. Dave predicted before we even started watching this episode that Mt. Baldie was going home…and he was right. Her garter belt blew huge, hanging goobers and THANK GOD she’s gone, although we’ll miss all of her crying. But dat face…

"I did knot win I did knoooooot... oh, hi Mark.  Actually, I did win."

This actually doesn't look too bad, from across the street. and with a bag over your head.

Tightey Whitey (aka short beard bro, aka Joshua le Douche) won the flash challenge and Dave was down for that. James Danger’s was fucking horrible. It look like he took poo and just wiped it around his canvas’ leg. And everybody was pissed at Ta2 BB for not doing a design that wrapped around her client’s leg…which made sense. Whoever heard of a garter belt that just is a sticker that you stick to your thigh? Daniel thought her tattoo was butt ugly but Dave didn’t seem too bummed out by it. (Again, Dave is the artist so whenever it comes to an opinion about actual art ALWAYS go with Dave’s opinion.)

3 for 3 for miss cry-cry. Cry, miss cry-cry,  cry!

Back to Bald ‘n’ Broken…she cried some more on her way out the door. Yay!

Since the word of the day was “texture”, which made everyone wince again, the guest judge (Tony Hundahl) was some texture master from another dimension or something. At first Daniel was like, “I’d tap that,” but by the end of the episode he was like, “I’d slap that!” Sexy from a distance, and before he opened his mouf…but then not so hot up close.

I think Daniel would still hit it- Dave

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE!

Nobody wanted grandma Moses. Poor thing. Everybody’s like, “Oh naw dag I don’t want that beat up ol’ hag, son! Aw hell naw!”

Granny-go-lightly amid a sea of more pliable flesh.

So…a word about this bitch that Jamie Dangerously had as a "client". Fuck you. I’m guessing you’re always an insufferable, demanding bitch and everyone in your life hates you when you turn your back to them. FUCK. YOU.

"Did he just call me a dick?"

All that being said, James Danger did kind of screw up working with her…he didn’t really handle it well at all. Who knew this show would basically turn into "Client Management Master"?

Still, fuck her.

If nothing else, though, she brought the drama like no other canvas on the show before…and now even more people hate her. Shame that her shitty attitude sent one of the most tap-able pieces of ass on the show home.

Homeboy is built like a fireplug. An inked-up, fuckable fireplug.

Everybody else had clients who didn’t think that the universe revolved around them, so the rest of the episode was relatively drama-free until the end when they sent muscle boy home…and that was predictable. Ta2 BB’s granny was actually awesome as hell, sat like a pro, and loved her tattoo.

Granny's puffy pink and purple peenix.

As an aside, does it ever go as planned when somebody tries to screw their fellow competitors by assigning them the canvas that is initially perceived as the worst/most difficult? It doesn’t seem like it ever goes that way. It’s kind-of like life itself. "The best laid plans," or however that saying goes.

Craig's fucking awesome tattoo.

Craig Foster is a killer tattoo artist…he’s looking like THE frontrunner this season…hasn’t turned out anything but gold so far.

This ROCKS.

That Ally girl looks like that muppet that sings in the band. Muppet Gal? Neither of us can remember her name (it's Janice... I looked it up- Dave).

meanwhile, on the Death Star...

So Banjo Kazooey, Auntie Navarro and Everyone’s Disapproving Father sat down to figure out what to do with James Danger XXX…and they sent his ass home. He didn’t do a tattoo…makes sense. Fuck you bitch.

Also, there were fewer chickens-cum-phoenixes at the end of the day…Daniel was expecting some Beaks of Fury-level type shit…but a lot of these looked like the Firebird logo…which Dave said, “Yeah ding-dong. The Firebird logo is a phoenix.” To which Daniel replied, “Meow?”

And when did we start saying, “This is/isn’t going to get you the W”? Every time they say that I think of George W. Bush. Is that a thing now? “I need to get that W, dawg!”

So one of the hottest bros went home. Dave, as a consolation prize, offered to pull his W. He didn't accept that we know of. Shame. But the tradeoff is that bald WTF was also sent packing…so we’re basically back to 0.

"Dark Lord... WTF? No winner announcement this week? Amen."

Thanks for reading this trash, y’all. Until next time…tatts up, tits out, toots in (like they say in the industry).

Yay, Nay, or GAY. Rating the best and worst. ---Dave

Yay: The winner was not announced due to major unforseen dramage this ep. You can bet your grandma's tuna jerky that Craig won with this beauty.

Yay: Also another solid entry from Joey, with basically the same criticism from ep1. Pay attention now, Joey.

Nay: Bird be epileptic.

Nay: Danger's garter, which is what he lost the contest with. Looks like crayon. 

GAY: I hate to do this to you Kyle, my man, but...

Next Week: Machine Build go BOOM.